After several months of foot pain and a relapse where I felt like I was at square one (physically and mentally), my body wizard comes to my aid again. Further testing revealed low thyroid and adrenals. Ta da! Basically I don't metabolize well enough to produce the energy needed for regular, day to day stuff. This combined with poor sleep and stress was partly why my foot just wasn't healing, and also why I wasn't feeling like myself for some time. It wasn't just the move, change, or pain, but a general slowing of my systems. Why calm, mellow Jessie felt raw, emotional, and UNGROUNDED. Why I felt intense where I was always playful, albeit quiet and introspective. Why I felt like I wasn't dealing with my life with any kind of grace. That's tough to admit, and something I pretty well kept to myself, while nursing my injuries alone "protected" by my candy coated shell.
So that's it. It's been all about the body and now I'm allowing myself to set limits, take it slow and really figure out how to heal. I am not looking for solutions here people. I need support, but not "you're doing it wrong" advice. I find that when I do share, people get freaky about it. Which is hard for a girl who has always been guarded and quiet, to let it out and get that kind of feedback. It doesn't help. I'm putting it out there to release it, so that it's not my secret burden anymore, and also to give context to my journal art. Now I can see what it was really about.
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My god. You are a wonderful person, who has so much inner strength! Thank you for being real, honest and vulnerable. It truly is what we need to do to move forward. Put words to that voice in our heads, get it down on paper visually and release it into the universe. It is what it is. It is your life story. It is important.
ReplyDeleteI think I found you for a very special reason...and I thank you. Thank you for being courageous enough to share your healing journal. I am desparately trying to discover what's wrong and fix it so I have the physical stamina to do what my heart and head want so badly to do. Thyroid seems to be only a part of it... Maybe I will check out "adrenals" now... Thank you again. Your art journaling is incredibly gorgeous, too! Isn't journaling so healing in and of itself? Peace to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kathy. Yes, the adrenals and Thyroid work in tandem from what I hear. They support each other, so to speak, so it's always worth looking into. Western medicine doesn't always look into the adrenals. There's an it works or it doesn't attitude, when there is a spectrum of functionality.
DeleteIt is always easy to put on the brave face, but being brutally honest is so much more rewarding. I am sorry to read about your health strugges, but know that you are never alone in struggling to find balance, wellness, and peace. I think that is a universal struggle for women of all ages and stages. Love the color on these pages- thanks for sharing bits of your journal. Wishing I could look at them and discuss in person...
ReplyDeleteThanks you guys. I was hesitant to post all of this, but I feel so good about it now. So much better to share and to see that others are in the middle of their own journey. That we are all going through and getting through something.
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