Thursday, March 15, 2012

Healing: Part 3

After several months of foot pain and a relapse where I felt like I was at square one (physically and mentally), my body wizard comes to my aid again. Further testing revealed low thyroid and adrenals. Ta da! Basically I don't metabolize well enough to produce the energy needed for regular, day to day stuff. This combined with poor sleep and stress was partly why my foot just wasn't healing, and also why I wasn't feeling like myself for some time. It wasn't just the move, change, or pain, but a general slowing of my systems. Why calm, mellow Jessie felt raw, emotional, and UNGROUNDED. Why I felt intense where I was always playful, albeit quiet and introspective. Why I felt like I wasn't dealing with my life with any kind of grace. That's tough to admit, and something I pretty well kept to myself, while nursing my injuries alone "protected" by my candy coated shell.

So that's it. It's been all about the body and now I'm allowing myself to set limits, take it slow and really figure out how to heal. I am not looking for solutions here people. I need support, but not "you're doing it wrong" advice. I find that when I do share, people get freaky about it. Which is hard for a girl who has always been guarded and quiet, to let it out and get that kind of feedback. It doesn't help. I'm putting it out there to release it, so that it's not my secret burden anymore, and also to give context to my journal art. Now I can see what it was really about.

Healing: Part 2

Next came the move back to Boulder. A dream come true, right? More space, a beautiful home near the foothills... and all the grief and loss over letting go of my first home. HARD. I had no idea. For a girl who moved a lot growing up, with no input, no choice, my first home was a really big deal. My choice. My desires. The change, transition, growing pains, whatever you want to call it was rough. A wise friend told me that "every big change feels like a big mistake". Thank god for smart people. To let you know that you aren't crazy, just human. Not to mention I found myself with a pretty serious case of plantar faciitis brought on by all the packing.

I am not teling you this to whine, have a pity party, or to seek sympathy. Typically, I am not a good sharer. I'm not great with trust and vulnerability. I could tell you that I like to be mysterious, an enigma, but mostly I've just needed to stay inside my protective walls. Like I told you before, I now understand the work I've been doing and all these personal details give context to this work. So then comes the stage of a big new move, but hardly being able to to walk, and the pain keeping me stuck at home instead of enjoying this new community. Not yet seeing that other physical and emotional factors were what was really keeping me stuck. To be cont...

Healing: Part 1

These are pages from one of my journals. This is a healing book. It is my ongoing journal from 2011, and I have had a love hate relationship with it. I now know why. It is full of pain, loss, and confusion. That is why it made me cringe to look at it, yet I was pulled to work in it nonetheless. It's been an emotionally full year and a half. I came back from another amazing visit to Greece in September 2010, and was saddled with intense neck pain on the flight home, which lasted on and off for several months. Enter phase one of pain and the emotional toll that physical pain takes on you over time. I met an amazing acupuncturist/naturopath/body wizard that within minutes of meeting me discovered that my gallbladder was the culprit. I'm not kidding. I went back and forth, up and down, in and out of pain with that one. But the pain is gone and my gallbladder seems happy. To be cont...

A Little Inspiration

Michael Pitt, I am a fan of everything that you do. The fact that you do this as well, makes me like you even more. There's just not much more that needs to be said on the matter. Just watch.