After several months of foot pain and a relapse where I felt like I was at square one (physically and mentally), my body wizard comes to my aid again. Further testing revealed low thyroid and adrenals. Ta da! Basically I don't metabolize well enough to produce the energy needed for regular, day to day stuff. This combined with poor sleep and stress was partly why my foot just wasn't healing, and also why I wasn't feeling like myself for some time. It wasn't just the move, change, or pain, but a general slowing of my systems. Why calm, mellow Jessie felt raw, emotional, and UNGROUNDED. Why I felt intense where I was always playful, albeit quiet and introspective. Why I felt like I wasn't dealing with my life with any kind of grace. That's tough to admit, and something I pretty well kept to myself, while nursing my injuries alone "protected" by my candy coated shell.
So that's it. It's been all about the body and now I'm allowing myself to set limits, take it slow and really figure out how to heal. I am not looking for solutions here people. I need support, but not "you're doing it wrong" advice. I find that when I do share, people get freaky about it. Which is hard for a girl who has always been guarded and quiet, to let it out and get that kind of feedback. It doesn't help. I'm putting it out there to release it, so that it's not my secret burden anymore, and also to give context to my journal art. Now I can see what it was really about.